Apparently I have been cursed with: being slightly overweight, stick straight hair, and the inability to pronounce words correctly. I don't know exactly when the latter of the 3 came upon me. Rather the second is probably the only one I can blame on genetics. The overweight part happened at around the turn of my 19th birthday where my dietary habits turned from mediocre to better than horrible. I know I can only blame myself, but I’m weak and am forced to eat food I’ve all ready paid for (café food, etc.).

The last of these ‘3 major’ curses is the topic of today. Last night I had a wonderful time studying in the library (Lets use the word studying loosely here). My friend had a list of words that she wanted to look up. Being the gentleman that I sometimes am – and because the list of words had me stumped too – I offered to look them up. Maybe its because my brain is packed full of good nursing information, or maybe its because I don’t take time to expand my memory, but I had a terrible time remembering the definitions of the 3 words she gave me. So bad is my memory that I had to return after the 2nd word and deliver their definitions then head back to the dictionary for the 3rd word. My conclusion from this is that I need to eat better food, and most important, get more sleep.

No more excuses or explanations. In my quest to better myself I thought it all well and good to look up some new words. One that piqued my interest was a word I had never heard before, and one that I can’t remember the exact spelling now – see what no sleep does? The word’s definition was ‘Male Dwarf’. Apparently there’s something eternally about the way I say the word dwarf. I being the one to pronounce of the word am oblivious to the utterance I am making, and its gross misinterpretation from the actual pronunciation.

All of this was found to be quite humorous by my library companion. When I gave her the definition for the mystery word, she burst out into laughter.

“it means male Dwarf” - Jonathan Morris
“What?” – Library study buddy
“male Dwarf?” – J
“I heard you, but what did you say” LSB
“dwarf?” – J
“yeah, what is that”- LSB
“a dwarf? It’s a person of unusually short stature” – J
Laughter – LSB
“am I saying it wrong? (pause) dwarf” – J
Laughter – LSB
“what” – J
“jonathan, its Dwarf” – LSB
“I know, dwarf” – J
Laughter – LSB
“I don’t get it, am I not saying the word right?” – J
“Duh-Warf, but fast. Dwarf” – LSB
“one syllable, right?” – J
“Yes” – LSB
“Dwarf” – J
Laughter – LSB
“seriously, amd I butchering it that bad?” – J
“Jonathan, you’re saying ‘DORF’, its ‘DWARF’” – LSB
“what, its not the same thing?” – J
“No, a ‘DORF’ is something I’d call my little brother, a ‘DWARF’ is a short person” – LSB
“I still don’t get it” – J
Laughter – LSB

Okay, so I’m tired of typing faux dialogue (the conversation is mostly correct, I just have no memory of the correct way to write dialogue), but you get the idea of how the conversation went. I can’t say the word dwarf. I tried for about 15 minutes, no luck. My study companion tried with great effort to get me back on the subject at hand as I tried diligently to correctly say the word dwarf. Deepest apologies to you Ansley.

But this strikes me as odd. I’m sure somewhere along my life’s line – up to this point – that I’ve spoken the word dwarf to someone else. Why was I not corrected. Does no one listen to what I say? (this honestly, is probably the answer to my question, as I find myself quite uninteresting…) I guess my question is… why has no one corrected me up to this point. I’m in college – a senior – and I cant pronounce a 5 letter word that I’m sure I’ve been saying for at least 17 years…